I'd like to say more to all of this than I currently have energy and brainpower to say, so I'll leave it at this: I'm so glad I came across you in my life, and it's not just because of your work, and your writing, and your brain, and what you offer us (but ofc those things, too) - but because of who I perceive you to be as a person. Your heart and soul, your sense of humour, your generosity and compassion.
I think people can make the argument that we don't really know the truth of someone if we just know them through the internet - and there are obvs parts of you only a few people irl will ever know - but I don't think it's true that we can't gauge someone's heart from the internet, especially if they've spent years being as much themselves as they can be under the constraints of social media etc. You can feel if someone is a safe and important and nourishing presence in your online life, just as much as you can feel if they're a bit dangerous. I don't think I would have stuck around otherwise lol.
These past three years of this newsletter have been such a great project in thinking and writing and engaging and challenging yourself and keeping up momentum - and you now deserve so so much to take time and space to circle back to what you really want to do with this next part of life and on this internet. It's admirable for you to be tuned in with yourself enough to know that that's what it's time for. Have fun, have a rest, take the pressure off, post whatever the fuck you want on instagram without worrying that people will cancel you for not having the perfect carbon footprint or whatever the fuck. Whatever it be, take your foot off the pedal if that's what you want, keep chugging if that's what you want- but, whatever it is, once you're doing what's best for you and people who have grown to care about you see that, there's no way you lose the people worth keeping.
Know that there are people out here who value you greatly, even if we only know each other on the internet, and that the work you offer is only a portion of the reason for that. It's really down to the aura and vibes you've emanated outside of what you do for work. And I'm not diminishing the work you've done! I've obvs loved it with all my heart!
But I think I just feel compelled to say that I see and hear what you're saying about that feeling of things coming to a head, or a natural endpoint. That you couldn't possibly keep going with how it was, even if you had any effort or interest left in you to try to keep it the same. Once something has run its course it's impossible to keep pretending it hasn't. And it doesn't mean not being grateful for what came before - but being grateful for what was doesn't mean staying stuck in it out of some sort of feeling of duty or worry about letting people down or fear of letting it change. Fighting it can only last for so long because we can only keep going on a treadmill for so long - at some point we feel that what we got on for has been completed and then, it's time to step off, and that's both scary and freeing and exciting. And none of it is possible to even put into words, it's just all some sort of feeling that we don't really understand but we trust enough to say: okay, lead me.
Fair play to you for everything, Alicia, for the work and for the rest and for the fun and the food etc etc etc. I'm looking forward to seeing where the next year takes you x
and one last thing I meant to add: for various reasons I didn't post anywhere online, not Instagram, not Twitter, not even replies to people that would be publicly visible, before last year (well I did like 10 years ago in college when FB was new etc, but not in the decade since) - and I really pinpoint one main way I felt any bit of confidence starting to do so was because of you.
I'm not sure what else to say about that, as I'm not sure I really know what I mean, but all I know is the feeling that I'm not some big problematic weirdo because I saw so much of the things I think and like and want to share in the things you were putting up. So maybe seeing how you post and what you post must have seeped in and stopped me feeling embarrassed or ashamed or scared to post about liking the wrong thing or making the wrong comment or having the wrong opinion? I don't know. This isn't fully thought out, it's just something I know to be true and I thought I'd tell you in case it helps you feel less concerned that the things and the way you post, just being yourself, has had a positive effect in letting others feel they might be okay to be themselves publicly, too, even when you don't know that's what you're doing cos you're just posting a song you like lol
Kelly, I wish I could respond to this with a voice note because it's the kind of wildly kind and generous sentiment I am bad at writing in response to (except with ample time and space!). I appreciate this more than you could know and it gives me such a good boost of confidence going into the New Year to simply be myself. I am very sensitive (which might shock people) and that makes it hard to be "seen" by many—but if I can make space for more folks to open up, that is worth it to me!!! THANK YOU!!!
Looool I often have that feeling of wanting to reply with a voice note to something important or meaningful cos my brain is going too fast to response in text! It often happens in response to your writing here, or stuff on Stories :D
I'm glad my words were meaningful rather than OTT. And I hear you about it being rare to feel "seen", which is why I feel it important to say it when someone resonates, because it's special and not v common for me either. You've also created that space for me to feel I can say things like that by being so open and generous with writing back, and I always notice and appreciate that.
Happy holidays, have a lovely time at home, and here's to a 2024 of being more and more ourselves in spite of perception or fear 💜
I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store for 2024. 🙂 Sounds like you've had a massive few years and it's more than time to revisit and please yourself more now.
Regarding opens – you're probably aware, but just in case you aren't, Apple Mail has a setting that prevents newsletters from tracking this, which may confound your results depending on how many Apple Mail readers you have...
This is really interesting and helpful. I started a spreadsheet for my published writing years ago and never kept it up. Perhaps it is time to go back to it and ponder where I am going with all these words.
I'm much less directed in my writing than you and find when you write about behind the scenes, I am given lots to contemplate and realize perhaps I need to prioritize better.
Cathy, this is so lovely and meaningful to hear!!! Thank you so much. I hope you take some time to look back: It helps to see how much you've accomplished.
I do like the spreadsheet idea - that is one I shall keep... Also, in reading your thoughts about your progression as a writer, I am reminded of the wise words from Steven Pressfield, "Writers do not write to express themselves. They write to discover themselves." And I am happy to witness in silence your journey...
Haver a nice holiday season - one of peace and growth.
I'd like to say more to all of this than I currently have energy and brainpower to say, so I'll leave it at this: I'm so glad I came across you in my life, and it's not just because of your work, and your writing, and your brain, and what you offer us (but ofc those things, too) - but because of who I perceive you to be as a person. Your heart and soul, your sense of humour, your generosity and compassion.
I think people can make the argument that we don't really know the truth of someone if we just know them through the internet - and there are obvs parts of you only a few people irl will ever know - but I don't think it's true that we can't gauge someone's heart from the internet, especially if they've spent years being as much themselves as they can be under the constraints of social media etc. You can feel if someone is a safe and important and nourishing presence in your online life, just as much as you can feel if they're a bit dangerous. I don't think I would have stuck around otherwise lol.
These past three years of this newsletter have been such a great project in thinking and writing and engaging and challenging yourself and keeping up momentum - and you now deserve so so much to take time and space to circle back to what you really want to do with this next part of life and on this internet. It's admirable for you to be tuned in with yourself enough to know that that's what it's time for. Have fun, have a rest, take the pressure off, post whatever the fuck you want on instagram without worrying that people will cancel you for not having the perfect carbon footprint or whatever the fuck. Whatever it be, take your foot off the pedal if that's what you want, keep chugging if that's what you want- but, whatever it is, once you're doing what's best for you and people who have grown to care about you see that, there's no way you lose the people worth keeping.
Know that there are people out here who value you greatly, even if we only know each other on the internet, and that the work you offer is only a portion of the reason for that. It's really down to the aura and vibes you've emanated outside of what you do for work. And I'm not diminishing the work you've done! I've obvs loved it with all my heart!
But I think I just feel compelled to say that I see and hear what you're saying about that feeling of things coming to a head, or a natural endpoint. That you couldn't possibly keep going with how it was, even if you had any effort or interest left in you to try to keep it the same. Once something has run its course it's impossible to keep pretending it hasn't. And it doesn't mean not being grateful for what came before - but being grateful for what was doesn't mean staying stuck in it out of some sort of feeling of duty or worry about letting people down or fear of letting it change. Fighting it can only last for so long because we can only keep going on a treadmill for so long - at some point we feel that what we got on for has been completed and then, it's time to step off, and that's both scary and freeing and exciting. And none of it is possible to even put into words, it's just all some sort of feeling that we don't really understand but we trust enough to say: okay, lead me.
Fair play to you for everything, Alicia, for the work and for the rest and for the fun and the food etc etc etc. I'm looking forward to seeing where the next year takes you x
and one last thing I meant to add: for various reasons I didn't post anywhere online, not Instagram, not Twitter, not even replies to people that would be publicly visible, before last year (well I did like 10 years ago in college when FB was new etc, but not in the decade since) - and I really pinpoint one main way I felt any bit of confidence starting to do so was because of you.
I'm not sure what else to say about that, as I'm not sure I really know what I mean, but all I know is the feeling that I'm not some big problematic weirdo because I saw so much of the things I think and like and want to share in the things you were putting up. So maybe seeing how you post and what you post must have seeped in and stopped me feeling embarrassed or ashamed or scared to post about liking the wrong thing or making the wrong comment or having the wrong opinion? I don't know. This isn't fully thought out, it's just something I know to be true and I thought I'd tell you in case it helps you feel less concerned that the things and the way you post, just being yourself, has had a positive effect in letting others feel they might be okay to be themselves publicly, too, even when you don't know that's what you're doing cos you're just posting a song you like lol
Kelly, I wish I could respond to this with a voice note because it's the kind of wildly kind and generous sentiment I am bad at writing in response to (except with ample time and space!). I appreciate this more than you could know and it gives me such a good boost of confidence going into the New Year to simply be myself. I am very sensitive (which might shock people) and that makes it hard to be "seen" by many—but if I can make space for more folks to open up, that is worth it to me!!! THANK YOU!!!
Looool I often have that feeling of wanting to reply with a voice note to something important or meaningful cos my brain is going too fast to response in text! It often happens in response to your writing here, or stuff on Stories :D
I'm glad my words were meaningful rather than OTT. And I hear you about it being rare to feel "seen", which is why I feel it important to say it when someone resonates, because it's special and not v common for me either. You've also created that space for me to feel I can say things like that by being so open and generous with writing back, and I always notice and appreciate that.
Happy holidays, have a lovely time at home, and here's to a 2024 of being more and more ourselves in spite of perception or fear 💜
I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store for 2024. 🙂 Sounds like you've had a massive few years and it's more than time to revisit and please yourself more now.
Regarding opens – you're probably aware, but just in case you aren't, Apple Mail has a setting that prevents newsletters from tracking this, which may confound your results depending on how many Apple Mail readers you have...
Didn’t know that! Thank you! My open rate is “good” and consistent, so that it could be a bit higher considering this gives me more relief! 😂
This is really interesting and helpful. I started a spreadsheet for my published writing years ago and never kept it up. Perhaps it is time to go back to it and ponder where I am going with all these words.
I'm much less directed in my writing than you and find when you write about behind the scenes, I am given lots to contemplate and realize perhaps I need to prioritize better.
Thank you.
Cathy, this is so lovely and meaningful to hear!!! Thank you so much. I hope you take some time to look back: It helps to see how much you've accomplished.
“i no longer feel desperate to prove a damn thing” -- i cheered
thank yoooou — you're an inspiration!
love love love the social media reflection, and that you routinely use the word agita. ❤️
I do like the spreadsheet idea - that is one I shall keep... Also, in reading your thoughts about your progression as a writer, I am reminded of the wise words from Steven Pressfield, "Writers do not write to express themselves. They write to discover themselves." And I am happy to witness in silence your journey...
Haver a nice holiday season - one of peace and growth.
It's so lovely to get a chance for a fresh start. I'm so glad you'll be chatting with us for the book club!!!