My phone shattered while I was trying to make a Reel, because I was despondent about my Instagram engagement. I admit this because I want to tell the truthābecause, as has been established, Iām a confessor by nature: Sometimes Iām a person whoās despondent about their Instagram engagement, concerned theyāll never make a dime or write another piece ever again. As a food person, this visual medium has become important, but its ever-shifting goal posts leave those of us who arenāt dedicated ācontent creatorsā in the lurch, trying to figure out ways to compete while working as one person whose work isnāt, at least for me, content creation. āIām a writer!!!ā I am screaming, constantly, while I do amateur video editing to feed a hungry demigod. It feels as futile as when Iām cleaning the toilet and wondering when I will ever be able to stop cleaning the toilet, considering I am an intellectual. The answer is never, and the Reels will go on. Until the next new algorithmic demigod emerges.
Two weeks without a phone were a cleansing, one that brought me back to looking outward: I returned to my camera and finally brought my 35mm back to San Juan from a closet on Long Island, where it had been languishing for nearly two decades. I am actually annoyed that I bought another iPhone and had been threatening to go to a flip phone during this period, though I realize that would fuck me on work. I have to make calls to other countries through WhatsApp; I have to take calls, period. Right now, Iām editing this piece at the dog park.
But I have to admit now fully that the phone is a detriment to my thinking, to my feeling and being. I felt so free leaving the house without it. I remembered a friend telling me in the mid-ā00s when I had a Sidekick II in college that it was āvain and unnecessary.ā He was being a dickbag philosophy majorāand he was also right! Iām trying to use this vain and unnecessary tool for good rather than evil, controlling the apps that I allow and all that. Itās going ok.
Itās probably not shocking that competing in the online economy is something that makes me feel terrible. Iām a natural poster, of course, whoās spent more than half her life online, but organic sharing is different from what weāre now involved ināthat Iām involved in, by the nature of what I do.
Now I worry that if people donāt want to take photos of me in my apartment for a brand or ask me to do a āpaid partnership,ā that Iām irrelevant, rather than it being clear from my work that Iām not going to do those things. As I recently recalled, I am not getting press trip invites likely because the last time I went on one, I wrote about throwing up (itās a funny essay that got listed as notable in Best American Travel Writing). The only thing I can sell is myself!
Even so, I still feel anxiety about whether Iām performing well, even though what I want to do is write essays, take photographs, talk to people for my podcastāwhich I think of as a curated conversation seriesāand write recipes encouraging people to cook with fewer animal products. And that is what I do.Ā
But social media is how I make sure people see all of it, and thatās been made increasingly difficult thanks to algorithms and peopleās real openness to the influencer economy. While I find people who post graphics quoting themselves or do self-aggrandizing videos unpleasant, I understand why theyāre doing it. I also understand that Iām 36 years old and I have more, frankly, punk recollections of an earlier internet (likely apocryphal).Ā There seems to be no need for coherence in peopleās ābrandsā now: I recently unfollowed someone for purporting to be about a āsustainableā lifestyle while doing paid sponsorships with extremely non-sustainable corporations. Iāve been getting press releases for Earth Day about various āgreenfluencersāāwhy?
I need to read the book Get Rich or Lie Trying: Ambition and Deceit in the New Influencer Economy by Symeon Brown, about which Iāve been reading and seeing quite a bit from journalists I follow in the UK. Between his book and work by Rachel Connolly, Isabel Slone, and Sarah Manavis, we are finally seeing a groundswell of critique of what, exactly, the influencer is and what impact this concept is having on culture. Especially when it comes to social justice, which is used as a way of branding. As Brown said to Manavis in The New Statesman, āsocial media becomes essentially sentient, laissez-fair individualism ā sentient neoliberalism.āĀ
In a piece for Gawker, Jason Okundaye wrote about āthings that sound true,ā which is why Iām constantly posting and debunking peopleās ātrue-enough soundingā slideshows about the terrible vegans, who are at most 1 percent of the global population. The combination of personal branding, ability to say basically anything regardless of whether itās true, and money-making foment into absolute toxicity. Lies for clout on the basis of a squishy progressivism. Brown again:
These influencers have managed to divorce activism from collective action and turned it into self-serving individual branding. Their end goal is not social change that benefits others, but a cheque, and if possible, a cult-like following they can also cash in on.
Social media has allowed people the mainstream would gatekeep out of their precious worlds a way to find their audience and to make money. This is a useful tool of insurrection via images. But we have to question what it means when new faces, new bodies, new politics always seem to come with the same type of selling, the same type of pursuit of consumption. (I think Aja Barber is particularly successful because she is transparent and actively rejects this.) I just want to know why everyone is so ok with aligning themselves with brands as well as political projects theyāve only just become aware of! These seem like two parts of the same problem.
My husband, dog, and I were supporting a Ukrainian neighbor recently and ended up in a viral video, leading people to ask whether weāre pro-NATO, showing just how easily real-life contextāsupporting a neighbor whose family is in a war zoneāis removed on social media, where people expect an odd political purity that simply doesnāt translate into real-world living. My general stance is anti-war, anti-imperialism, and Iām consistently horrified by the non-verified propaganda people will share in the name of seeming engaged with the crisis du jour. Iām also horrified that basic human engagement can be so easily viewed in the least charitable manner.
I have moments of freak-out because Iām posting too many songs and book passages rather than calls to⦠do what? Be aware? The same impulse that has me shattering my phone to make a Reel has me potentially posting compromising slideshows that will make me look foolish later. āRemember the real world,ā is something I apparently have to remind myself.
While Iām a person who spouts off my opinion quite a bit here, the imperatives on social media are different, and I must actively work to refuse, even amid global crises, to lean on easy shit, to share things I will ultimately regret sharing simply to appear engaged when I think itās pretty clear by my work that I am engaged in the world. I must actively work to refuse to do things that I hate for attention, like make Reels when I donāt feel like it (sometimes, sure, itās fun to work in a new style). I have to remember how good it felt to be away from all of this shit, to only access it at home on wifi when I was making a conscious choice. I am still carrying my camera. I am still trying to keep my focus outward, on what I can see with my own eyes, touch with my own hands, discuss with my own mouth.
Last Wednesdayās podcast featured Sandor Katz, fermentation revivalist and author of many books on the subject. This Wednesday will feature Eric Kim, author of Korean American: Food That Tastes Like Home (out on March 29) and New York Times āCookingā writer. He is the creator of the gochujang glaze that I now make every week. We talked about his cookbook process, literary studies background, and why we love Nigella Lawson. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or adjust your settings to receive an email when itās out.
Fridayās From the Kitchen for paid subscribers will continue the pantry guide, with a list of all my favorite kitchen tools (spoiler: a tofu press is not one of them). See the recipe index for all past recipes available to paid subscribers.
Published:
For Everpress, I wrote about why I love neighborhood restaurants and (surprise) social media aesthetics. It was a fun piece to write and think about!
Reading:
Iāve actually had to watch a lot of TV that isnāt out yet for work, so my reading has been put on the backburner. Iām not proud of this! Iāll be back with more books next week.
Cooking:
Above, a farinata, one of the dishes I discussed in my weekday meal guide.
Yes, yes, yes! I left a corporate job creating and helping to market and "editorialize" recipe content in part because of the toxicity that multiplied from it. I'm now finding myself in a place of needing to establish my own "brand", and I'm not sure I landed anywhere better. Instagram despondency is REAL! Thanks, as always, for your honest and courageous voice and actions.
Thank you for the chuckles. I tell people these days that my goal is to earn enough that I don't have to be on the internet.