I remember trying to watch those last episodes, and couldn't. The Berlin episode. My late brother called that look on Bourdain's face: "alligator eyes above the swamp." You're here. You're not dead yet. But you're not good.
I spent years and years trying to figure it out, and then menopause gave me my very own small trip through suicidal ideation. Holy fuckballs. The question becomes not "why did he kill himself" but "how did he not kill himself for so long if this is how he felt?"
I remember trying to watch those last episodes, and couldn't. The Berlin episode. My late brother called that look on Bourdain's face: "alligator eyes above the swamp." You're here. You're not dead yet. But you're not good.
I spent years and years trying to figure it out, and then menopause gave me my very own small trip through suicidal ideation. Holy fuckballs. The question becomes not "why did he kill himself" but "how did he not kill himself for so long if this is how he felt?"
(I'm fine. I have all the correct help.)
Thank you, for validating what I thought about the film, and for going there in your writing. And then knowing to keep some of you for yourself.
Gardening is the ultimate healing practice. Thank you for this and for sharing a little with us.
thank you
So good, thanks. I felt all that coming from the PR and decided to pass.
Thank you Alicia! This was spot on.