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“What’s horsey sauce?” I excitedly asked the very young, suspiciously young, bartender who’d just poured me a local Oktoberfest. I was at the pub in Paoli, Wisconsin, by myself, looking at the menu while absolutely famished: I’d had one full meal in my lengthy travel day, and it was an Atlanta airport burrito bowl. There were fried mushrooms on there, to be served with “horsey sauce.” I couldn’t guess what the hell that was, and all the kid could muster was the word “horseradish.” I love horseradish. “Fantastic!” I exclaimed, and ordered the mushrooms, as well as a basket of waffle fries. A nutritious dinner, all the food groups represented! When I googled for further explanation, I saw “sour cream” and didn’t venture further. I thought incomplete ignorance was the better tactic, as I try to be extremely picky about dairy. This is a life lived with lactose intolerance.

The food in question.
When my fried buffet came out, another extremely young person asked if I wanted a “bar tray”—“what’s a bar tray?” I replied, excited again by all this newness. He was at a similar loss for explanation. “I’ll just bring you one.” It was a tray for my food that leveled out the bar, which had a high lip. Fascinating. I came back the next night for more waffle fries after hosting my dinner but not eating any of it, and this time, a different suspiciously young girl asked if I wanted ranch. I requested ketchup instead, but said to my guests turned beer companions, whom I’d roped into continuing to hang out with me, “Culture!”
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