smirked when i read the bit about people’s need for art to conform to their aesthetics - that was so very well observed. sending love always always but especially so for july ❤️
Beautifully put. I loved reading all do the remembrances of specific phrasing. The vocal tics my dad used that annoyed me as a teenager I’ve been finding comfort in since he passed — he would have been turning 66 next week. Thank you for sharing this with us, sending love ❤️
As the baby I can confirm we’re always watching what our cooler older siblings are up to 👀 Thanks for sharing this, I’m sorry you lost your brother. I’m right there with you in Irrational Grief July, my dad passed 20 years ago this week. The pinch has gotten more manageable over the years but it’s still there. I hope you can surround yourself with the people and things that bring you comfort this week.
Thank you so much for this. I lost my older brother when he was 28. Both my sister and I had a really hard time when we turned 29, because now we were older than our brother ever will be. He's still the Older Brother, just not any older. I never knew a world without him until I had to, was forced to. Losing a sibling is like losing part of your history. It's been more than a dozen years and my breath still catches sometimes, thinking of him.
Always appreciate how you articulate each new year of grief. My very different (dear friend, not dear brother) but also devastating July loss is nearing too and now I’m thinking of what he noticed about me. What a pinch indeed to recall how I could tell he paid attention, how he got me. Thanks for this, and sending so much love & comfort 🙏🏻
Thank you for this, Alicia. I'm preparing for my own period of annual heaviness around my mother's anniversary in August. She died in a car accident 17 years ago, leaving four scrambling children behind. I was the oldest at 19, and her loss fractured our already disjointed family. We've found our way through it, but the scale of what we lost is difficult to convey. You do it beautifully here. Please mind yourself through these difficult days 💕
As the youngest, I never really thought about how much I observe my older brother. How I take nuggets of his life, and burrow them for when I cross that bridge. Grief becomes harder because we’re forced to live with it, but not at it like we do when we first are met with it. We are expected to move forward, and we do go on, but that just makes the wave hit harder when it does. I’m so sorry you lost your brother, and I hope he sends you signs this month that he’s okay 🤍
This was so beautiful, and so are all these comments about grief. They give me hope that maybe, just maybe, we're learning to integrate grief in our lives, toxic positivity culture be damned. For anyone interested, "The Wild Edge of Sorrow" by Francis Weller is brilliant, comforting and helpful. So grateful to be in grief with every last one of you 💜
Thank you, Denise! The comments have made me feel so much less alone, and I agree about getting beyond toxic positivity culture when it comes to our pain—some pains don’t end, and that can be ok if we’re allowed space for them. 🩵🩵🩵
I, too, lost my closest sibling--my oldest brother--at age 34, to AIDS, in July 1988. Despite the years that have passed, July always feels a bit sad. And then I think how fortunate we were to have him in our lives, even if his was cut unthinkably short. A delicate line to walk. Sending a big hug on this anniversary.
Thinking of you and your family today. This is such a beautifully written piece that brings to mind how we remember others and how others might remember us. Whatever that remembrance might look like, I hope his memory and your shared moments bring you peace and comfort. <3
The pinch of grief, when it used to be a punch, which is its own, different problem. Thank you. Sending love to you and your family Alicia.
Yes, I have nostalgia for the punch, for the total loss of control that felt like a more honest response to the enormity of it. Thank you ❤️
smirked when i read the bit about people’s need for art to conform to their aesthetics - that was so very well observed. sending love always always but especially so for july ❤️
Sending you love always, too!
Beautifully put. I loved reading all do the remembrances of specific phrasing. The vocal tics my dad used that annoyed me as a teenager I’ve been finding comfort in since he passed — he would have been turning 66 next week. Thank you for sharing this with us, sending love ❤️
Sending you love!
As the baby I can confirm we’re always watching what our cooler older siblings are up to 👀 Thanks for sharing this, I’m sorry you lost your brother. I’m right there with you in Irrational Grief July, my dad passed 20 years ago this week. The pinch has gotten more manageable over the years but it’s still there. I hope you can surround yourself with the people and things that bring you comfort this week.
Hope the same for you! ❤️
Thank you so much for this. I lost my older brother when he was 28. Both my sister and I had a really hard time when we turned 29, because now we were older than our brother ever will be. He's still the Older Brother, just not any older. I never knew a world without him until I had to, was forced to. Losing a sibling is like losing part of your history. It's been more than a dozen years and my breath still catches sometimes, thinking of him.
I am so, so sorry. I know how hard it’ll be for our sister when she is older than he ever was. Sending you so much love ❤️
Always appreciate how you articulate each new year of grief. My very different (dear friend, not dear brother) but also devastating July loss is nearing too and now I’m thinking of what he noticed about me. What a pinch indeed to recall how I could tell he paid attention, how he got me. Thanks for this, and sending so much love & comfort 🙏🏻
❤️❤️❤️ sending you love too!
Thank you Alicia. Sending so much love your way ❤️
This is a beautiful tribute to him.
Thank you for this, Alicia. I'm preparing for my own period of annual heaviness around my mother's anniversary in August. She died in a car accident 17 years ago, leaving four scrambling children behind. I was the oldest at 19, and her loss fractured our already disjointed family. We've found our way through it, but the scale of what we lost is difficult to convey. You do it beautifully here. Please mind yourself through these difficult days 💕
Oh, Clare, I can’t imagine! I’m so so sorry for your loss and what has undoubtedly been so much weight to bear in the aftermath. Sending you love!
As the youngest, I never really thought about how much I observe my older brother. How I take nuggets of his life, and burrow them for when I cross that bridge. Grief becomes harder because we’re forced to live with it, but not at it like we do when we first are met with it. We are expected to move forward, and we do go on, but that just makes the wave hit harder when it does. I’m so sorry you lost your brother, and I hope he sends you signs this month that he’s okay 🤍
Thank you for sharing
This was so beautiful, and so are all these comments about grief. They give me hope that maybe, just maybe, we're learning to integrate grief in our lives, toxic positivity culture be damned. For anyone interested, "The Wild Edge of Sorrow" by Francis Weller is brilliant, comforting and helpful. So grateful to be in grief with every last one of you 💜
Thank you, Denise! The comments have made me feel so much less alone, and I agree about getting beyond toxic positivity culture when it comes to our pain—some pains don’t end, and that can be ok if we’re allowed space for them. 🩵🩵🩵
Yes! And space in community is especially healing. I am grateful for the community you've created here for and with us.
I, too, lost my closest sibling--my oldest brother--at age 34, to AIDS, in July 1988. Despite the years that have passed, July always feels a bit sad. And then I think how fortunate we were to have him in our lives, even if his was cut unthinkably short. A delicate line to walk. Sending a big hug on this anniversary.
I am so, so sorry (but indeed—we were lucky to have them at all!) ❤️ sending love
Thinking of you and your family today. This is such a beautifully written piece that brings to mind how we remember others and how others might remember us. Whatever that remembrance might look like, I hope his memory and your shared moments bring you peace and comfort. <3
thank you for sharing Alicia - sending you lots of love. Such beautiful writing xx
Sending abrazos, Querida. Best read first thing this morning.
To you too ❤️